Given Hollywood’s track record, just hearing about a video game getting a movie adaptation is enough to send any gamer into emotion most often felt after binging on Taco Bell at 3 a.m. I know that’s how I felt when Capcom announced a live-action Mega Man movie as part of the Blue Bomber’s 30th anniversary. Paramount Pictures decided that another beloved blue hero from our childhood deserved to turn the cringe factor up to eleven and unveiled the poster for the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie which you can see in their tweet below:
The guys that brought you Deadpool & The Fast and the Furious are bringing SONIC THE HEDGEHOG to the big screen! #SonicMovie speeds into theatres Nov 2019.
— Paramount Pictures (@ParamountPics) December 10, 2018
It was at that moment where you could hear the multitude of keyboard warriors taking to social media to clack away at their keyboards in disgust and protest over what they saw: an image that looked like a random dude wearing a giant Sonic hat in a pair of oversized Air Jordans. Keep in mind… we don’t know the story. We don’t know the plot. We don’t know anything else about this movie. We haven’t seen the rest of the cast, who the actors will be who will portray our beloved characters. Nothing. All we’ve seen was this one single, solitary poster and yet… it’s enough to doom this film before it can even wrap up production.
I don’t need to link individual Tweets just to prove my point. Clicking on the hashtag search will be enough to provide hours of entertainment: https://twitter.com/search?q=Sonic&src=tren&data_id=tweet%3A1072173893950029825
Just from an artistic standpoint (forgetting about the monstrosity that is Sonic that stands before us), the poster is severaly lackluster and looks like something made in Jasc Paint Shop Pro nearly 20 years ago. In fact, the poster even made the rounds on one of Facebook’s most popular groups, “Graphic Design is My Passion.” When it hits that group, you know it’s now in meme territory and not getting out.
Of course, there is that shred of hope we can all cling on to. Paramount could unveil more about the Sonic film and we would all be collectively asking to pass the tobasco sauce in preparation of sticking our collective feet into our mouths. Then again, if you look at video game adaptations in Hollywood over the years, I think it’s safe to say that your tobasco sauce will remain unopened on the top shelf of your pantry (or second shelf… who am I to judge where you keep your unopened tobasco?)